


ellen

by watergator



Series: tiny human [4]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Pregnancy, References to Depression, parent!phan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-12
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2019-07-30 00:49:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16275773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watergator/pseuds/watergator
Summary: dan has a heart to heart talk to his and phil's six month pregnant surrogate, ellen.





	ellen

“I hope you don’t mind too much, me staying here for tonight.”

“No not at all, it’s our pleasure,” Dan looks over to where Ellen is sat perched up on the bar stool beside the kitchen island. His eyes look down at her stomach, the bump beneath her stretched shirt a lot more noticeable than a few months ago,

“Thank you,” she smiles, a little breathless, “the bloody rain is terrible isn’t it? A five-minute hello turns into a two-day sleepover.” She says, turning her head to look out the window.

She’s right; rain spits harshly against the window as the wind whistles.

“Phil should be back any minute now,” Dan tells her, causing her to look back round at him with a warm smile.

“He really didn’t need to go out to Boots in this weather to get me something to eat,” she says looking sorry, “I feel bad.”

Dan shakes his head getting up from the couch to go sit opposite her, “No honestly, Ellen, it’s fine.” He assures her, smiling, 

“You are carrying our baby after all.”

A happy grin pulls over her face as she looks down to her belly. She rubs a hand over her shirt in a slow, smooth circle.

“I guess that’s fair then, isn’t it?” She laughs looking back up at Dan.

Her leafy green eyes seem to sparkle in the dim evening light, her strawberry blonde hair tucked behind her ear begins to fall out of place when she looks back out of the window, her gaze fixated on the stormy weather.

“So,” Dan says awkwardly; he may have gotten to know Ellen over the last couple of months but sometimes without Phil here to fill the silences with his babbling, Dan struggles a little to make conversation.

“Baby food, hm? Bit of a weird one?” Dan laughs.

Ellen turns to face him with a roll of her eyes, smiling nonetheless,

“I know! I don’t think anyone in the history of pregnancy cravings have ever actually craved baby food,” she grins,

“I think your baby knows what she likes.”

 _She_.

Dan laughs, maybe sounding a little forced from where his heart seems to have been stuck in his throat. There’s been a few occasions where Ellen would refer to the baby as she, despite the fact that none of them actually know.

It doesn’t worry him at all, and for all he knows it could just be nothing, but he feels like Ellen who’s carrying their baby inside her knows that maybe she’s right.

“So you can just crash out in the spare room, the sheets should be fine but if not then, you know, just let us know or whatever,” Dan says after a long period of silence. She nods and smiles politely.

“I can’t believe we only have three more months to go,” Ellen sighs excitedly. A lump forms in Dan’s throat as he nods,

“It’s gone by so fast, I don’t know why, it was never like this with my George - now _that_ felt like a bloody lifetime and a half,” she laughs, her long silky hair bouncing over her shoulders and Dan smiles.

He sometimes manages to forget that Ellen has a whole family to herself; that this baby she’s carrying insider her body isn’t her first, and won’t be her last. She’s simply doing them both a favour of giving them half their child’s dna and letting it grow inside her. He really shouldn’t forget too often, he thinks. Not a favour as huge as this.

Dan realises he’s perhaps been to quiet and too still for too long when Ellen is tapping against the marble worktop with a painted fingernail.

He looks up at her, “Sorry, I was just thinking,” he apologizes, shaking his head. He really has to step up his ‘host your surrogate game’.

Ellen smiles tightly, her beautiful green eyes seem to smile over at him warmly. In a weird way it reminds him of Phil,

“You okay? I’m not like, freaking you out am I?” She asks, her lip chewed between her teeth.

Dan quickly shakes his head. The last thing he wants is stressing her out too,

“God, no, fuck, it’s -“ he takes a breath.

Ellen stays silent. Her hands are inches away from where Dan has his planted firmly against the counter.

“Probably should drop that habit fast,” Dan laughs dryly. He doesn’t look up from where his eyes are trained on their hands but he feels the worried look Ellen gives him.

“What? The freaking out or the saying fuck part?” She says with a laugh. Dan looks up, lips curling into a smile as he laughs along with her,

“Both, probably.”

“Yeah once you have kids that just gets worse,” she tells him and Dan pretends to give a groan.

They laugh for a bit, until the room falls silent again, save for the thrumming of rain against the window coming down hard and fast.

“Dan, honey, look at me,” her voice just a whisper, and Dan does. 

Her features are so warm and kind and Dan hopes that whatever baby is being made inside of her right now comes out looking as sweet as she does. It will have half her genes after all.

“Are you maybe having a bit of a freak out?” She asks kindly.

Dan doesn’t want to lie and say no, but will it make him a bad father if he says yes? He’s not even really a dad yet with no baby even being born yet and he’s already having crisis after crisis about messing it all up.

He lets out a deep long sigh and closes his eyes tightly. He feels warm hands clasp over his but makes no effort to pull away. 

“Too much going on in my head,” he opens his eyes to look back at her, her face sympathetic.

“It’s normal, you know? To have a couple of freaks out before you have a baby,” she tells him and Dan sighs again.

“I feel like it’s not just that, but just, other stuff too.” Dan tells her, pulling his hands away to tuck them under his legs.

“Other stuff?” 

Dan tenses his shoulders up. He really doesn’t like what he’s about to say, but he opens his mouth anyway,

“Like, what if this is a mistake?”

Her face is hard to read as she blinks over at Dan across the table. Dan feels like his lungs are burning to breathe, but if he lets them she’ll explode at him.

But she doesn’t. Instead her face falls looking sad and sympathetic. 

“Sorry. That’s probably not what you wanna hear from a guy you’re about to hand your baby over to, is it?” Dan slouches, pulling his hands from under his thighs and rubs a hand over his face.

Ellen gives a breathy laugh and Dan looks up at her with worried eyes. 

“She’s your baby too, Dan,” she reminds him with a small smile.

The thought makes his heart sink. It shouldn’t. It really shouldn’t. The mere idea of the baby that sits inside her right now is half his biologically should make his heart swell and tear well up behind his eyes. But instead, panic creeps over his skin and prickles at his every nerve until sad tears bubble up instead.

“That’s the problem, Ellen, she’s going to be half of me.” His voice is barely a whisper and his voice cracks. He doesn’t realise he referred to the baby as a she until he’s said it and Ellen is reaching over to hold his hand again.

She says nothing so he carries on, sucking in a shuddery breath, “She’ll be half my problems, half my failures. I’m setting up this baby to fail.”

Tears threaten to spill, but he won’t cry. He’s promised himself he won’t so he blinks them away rapidly.

“You know you’re being silly, yeah?” She tells him giving his hand a quick squeeze. It doesn’t really help. Suddenly he really wishes Phil would hurry up and get home. 

“We should have used Phil’s. We should have just used Phil’s genes and I wouldn’t even be having half the problems I’m having right now,” Dan says his voice wavering.

“Daniel,” Ellen says rather sharply and Dan snaps his head up to look up at her with wide eyes. He supposes it’s the four years of experience of being a mum behind her that makes him do that.

“Having a baby is a lottery, okay? You have no fucking idea how the hell they’ll come out.” Her tone is as sharp as the look in her eyes that Dan can’t look away from.

“A baby can look like him or her or be like them or no one, but you wanna know what really matters?”

Dan nods.

“What matters is that it _doesn’t_. It doesn’t matter what you pass down to your kid, okay? What matters is how you raise that kid despite of all of that.”

Dan feels those tears burn behind his eyes again and this time he lets them fall.

“You don’t get to pick and choose, honey. This baby in here,” she places a hand over her stomach giving it a pat, “this is yours and Phil’s baby. Your  _child_. And I know you’re gonna love this kid no matter what.” 

Dan sniffs, giving her a sad nod.

His lips curl into a smile as he flickers his eyes up towards Ellen,

“Well, technically, we did get to chose. You’re here aren’t you?” 

Ellen swats his arm carefully as she laughs, tutting with a smile,

“You know what I mean,” she says “just think about it; would your parents decided to not have you if they knew you’d perhaps end up with depression, or anxiety?”

Dan snorts a laugh, “I don’t think they had a choice either way. I wasn’t exactly planned.”

This time Ellen smacks his arm a little harder this time, her smile fond,

“Oh stop it you, you can really be the worst sometimes, you know? I gotta give it to Phil for putting up will all this pessimistic energy,” she teases with a grin.

Dan smiles and laughs, actually laughs, because it’s true, “Yeah and if that baby ends up with half my brain he’ll have to put up with two of us.”

“Either way, you’re both gonna be fucking awesome parents to this baby.”

“Fucking awesome?” Dan questions with a grin.

Ellen nods her head, “Yeah, fucking awesome. Might as well get all your swears out now. Or don’t, it won’t matter really,” she laughs, her shoulders bouncing happily.

The easiness pulls the weight that’s been sat heavy off his chest as Ellen giggles, her hand still placed firmly on her belly.

Dan is about to open his mouth to speak when suddenly he hears the sound of rattling keys in the door.

Both Dan and Ellen turn to face the doorway where a very wet looking Phil emerges. His hair is plastered down across his forehead and his raincoat is drenched through. Little droplets of water drop off the end of his nose but he has a big grin on his face nonetheless.

Dan’s gaze filters down to the two little blue bags he holds in his hands tightly. Phil lifts them up triumphantly,

“I wasn’t sure which flavour you wanted so I just got them all.” He says.

Ellen goes to get up, but Dan places his hand over hers and get up and walks over to Phil,

“Jesus Phil you’re soaked,” Dan says taking the bags from Phil. His hands are shaky and he looks half frozen to death, despite the proud look he has on his face. The dork.

“Yeah, well, it’s raining, so...” Phil says dumbly, still shivering.

Dan peers into one of the bags; it’s full of little baby food pots, all different flavours and colours, he hands one of the bags to Ellen as he looks up at Phil with a smile,

“For the love of god Phil did you not think to phone, perhaps? And ask? Instead of buying Boots out of business?” Dan says with a laugh as Ellen rummages around her bag.

Phil strides towards where they sit, smile still plastered across his face and as rubs his hands together, “More like buying Boots back into business. Put the kettle on will you babe?”

Dan rolls his eyes and looks back at Ellen, “See what I have to put up with?” 

The joke obviously goes over Phil’s head as he pouts over at Dan and Ellen who have erupted into giggles again.

“Well clearly you two seem to be very pally pally. I should hop in the shower before I freeze my nuts off. Otherwise baby number one might just be the only baby,” he says with a wink before shuffling out the kitchen still dripping wet.

Ellen snorts a laugh as Dan rolls his eyes.

“Literally so gross.”

Whilst Phil showers the cold off of him, Dan starts making tea,

“Want one?” He asks turning around to see Ellen already up off the chair,

“No, no thank you my love,” she says shaking her head, “although, I could do with a spoon?”

Dan blinks, confused until he remembers the little pot of baby food clutched in her hand, and his face breaks into a grin,

“Oh! Yeah of course,” he says, turning to pull a teaspoon out of the drawer, “here you go.”

“Thanks. I might head off to bed too, if that’s okay.” She smiles tiredly. 

“Yeah, let me show your room.”

Once Dan has shown Ellen where everything is, he goes to leave her be and head back to the kitchen, but she stops him with a delicate hand on his wrist.

“You good?” She asks quietly. The room is dark but Dan can still see her dazzling green eyes and how lovely they are.

He nods, “Yeah. Thanks.” He tells her, feeling choked up all of a sudden.

He clears his throat as her hand runs over his arm soothingly. He can feel her wedding right brush up his arm. It makes him happy for some reason.

“Well, goodnight Dan. And tell Phil I said night too. Make sure he doesn’t end up burning his balls off in that shower as well,” she laughs, “once baby number one is out I’m expecting a round two with you guys.”

Dan splutters a laugh and places a hand on her shoulder gently, “One baby is good for now. One step at a time, yeah?”

Ellen nods, her eyes glistening,

“Yeah. Exactly.”

They say goodnight and Dan lets her settle into her room for the night, and once he’s brewed the tea, he’s under the covers of their bed, waiting for Phil to return from the shower.

He eventually emerges, looking exhausted. He waddles through the room, flicking the light off as he goes, and collapses onto the bed before peeling back the covers and crawling in under them next to Dan, who wastes no time snuggling into his side.

“Thanks for doing that today. It was really nice of you,” Dan whispers quietly.

Phil just hums, and even though it’s pretty dark, Dan can only just make out Phil’s face in front of him, his eyes already slipped shut.

“I think she’s gonna have enough baby food to last her another ten more pregnancies,” Phil jokes, his voice already going husky and low with sleep.

Dan hums a laugh, nuzzling his face deeper against Phil’s shoulder, who returns the affection by slinging an arm around his waist.

There’s a long moment of silence. Dan listens out for Phil’s breathing. He hasn’t quite fallen asleep yet,

“Do you think she’ll look like me?” Dan asks.

There’s more silence, and then,

“She?”

“Yeah,” Dan says, pulling away slightly from Phil’s arm, “the baby.”

He feels Phil shift around on the bed slightly, until he’s on his side, face to face with Dan. He can almost see the little smile that’s crept up on his face, his eyes are only slightly open, heavy with tiredness,

“Hope so. You’re so pretty.” He mumbles sleepily. Dan feels a wave of affection flood over his body in a hot heat. No matter how long they’ve been together Phil still manages to make him blush like he’s eighteen again.

“Well, what if the baby looks like Ellen? She’s pretty too.” Dan muses, and Phil’s eyes crack open again,

“Why? You planning on running away together? Starting a baby army?” He teases, and Dan goes to roll away but Phil pulls him back in, giggling softly to themselves.

“No, it’s just - earlier when you were out I kinda had a mini freak out,” Dan tells him with a low voice, almost like he’s about to get emotional again, “about my whole baby depression fear.”

He pauses, and waits for Phil to hear what he’s said when he starts again,

“But I think I’m okay now.” He says with a sigh of relief.

Phil smiles, “Yeah?”

Dan nods, “Yeah. We’re in this together yeah? Like no matter what.”

“Even if our baby comes out with ten limbs, we’d still love it.” Phil says. His eyes have slipped shut again.

Dan huffs a laugh, “Mate, that’ll only happen when the baby has your genes.”

Phil giggles softly, “Mm, we’ll have to wait and see for next time then, yeah?”

Dan leans forward and presses a kiss on Phil’s nose, “Night Phil, love you.”

Phil pulls Dan in closer until their noses are touching and their knees knock together, 

“Love you too, Dan.”

**Author's Note:**

> come say hi on tumbr!! @watergator


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